


A Tight Grip

by boneswrites



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, Major Character Injury, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-18 01:41:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5893246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boneswrites/pseuds/boneswrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A missing scene from The Force Awakens. Set right after Starkiller Base is destroyed and Chewie carrying Finn down the ramp of the Falcon. </p><p>This wasn't how Poe expected to see Finn after the mission was a success. If anyone had gotten hurt, he would have assumed it would be himself. But it turned out to be Finn. Poe was surrounded by people but he was alone, because the one person he wanted and needed the most wasn't there; he was lying on a hospital bed, his eyes closed and his body still. And for the first time in his life, Poe knew what real helplessness felt like. Still, Poe never left Finn's side. Even if that meant that he would slowly wither away sitting at the man's bedside.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Tight Grip

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Okay, so after seeing The Force Awakens for the sixth time (....yes) I finally got around to writing this. I've actually had the idea after seeing it for the fourth time but I needed some details which I got from the last two viewings. I really enjoy writing for these two and it's very possible I'll start a multichapter fic for Poe and Finn. I'm back to uni now so it might be delayed a little, but eventually. I didn't expected this to be as long as it turned out, but I'm proud of it, and I hope you guys enjoy! Feedback is always greatly appreciated!

“All teams, I’ve got eyes on them!” Poe announced happily, spotting the Falcon in the orange-lit space ahead of him.

He didn’t know what happened on the base. He didn’t know that Han Solo was gone. He didn’t know that Finn was unconscious, the severity of his injuries still yet unknown. All he wanted was to hug Finn and see his open eyes, and he had no clue that Finn’s eyes were closed with no promise of ever opening again.

Poe watched as the Falcon landed from the sidelines, his X-Wing already on the ground. The second the ramp dropped open, Poe raced towards the ship, expecting the crew and his fellow fighters to walk out on their own two feet.

His heart dropped in his knees when his eyes landed on the carried man in Chewie’s arms. Finn. His legs came to an abrupt stop, barely noticing the medical team rushing towards the Falcon to aid the injured man.

Poe let out a trembling huff of air and forced his legs to move once again. He didn’t stop until he was leaning over Finn’s body as the Wookiee gently laid him on the gurney.

“Easy, easy, he’s hurt,” Poe heard himself say. He quickly looked from Finn to Rey, whose facial expression held pain and heartbreak and then he noticed it. Han Solo was nowhere in sight. Deep down, he knew what that meant. He snapped his eyes back to Finn, hurriedly following as the medical team began moving, making sure to stay as close to Finn as he possibly can. He felt his heart relax when one of the doctors announced that he has Finn’s heartbeat.

Getting to the medical tent was an out of body experience for the pilot. He vaguely registered the chants of victory around him, dismissed all of the pats of admiration he received on his shoulder, his one and only focus being Finn. Word travels fast, and everyone standing on the base knew that it was thanks to Poe Dameron that Starkiller Base had exploded and been destroyed. But Poe couldn’t bring himself to care about what people knew or heard about him, not when Finn was too still for his comfort.

He was proud, don’t get that wrong, he definitely was. He was damn proud of everyone but he was proud of Finn the most. For that very reason, he had to make sure that Finn heard those words from him. And in this moment, the hope of that ever happening was slipping between his fingers.

Poe remembers somewhere amid all the hassle, between moving Finn quickly and his legs working to keep up with the moving car, he leaned down, placing his fingers against Finn’s forehead and whispered, “Stay with me.”

Poe had to be roughly pulled away from Finn’s side when they got into the medical tent after what felt like a lifetime. Poe kicked and yelled a mix of words that were too hard to distinguish from one another. He had to be by Finn’s side.

“I’ll stay out of the way,” Poe babbled, his eyes never leaving Finn’s face. “I’ll stay out of the way, I won’t interfere, I just need to be here.”

“Captain, I cannot allow that,” one of the doctors who currently had their arms around Poe’s muscular chest spoke. “They need space to work.”

“You don’t understand,” Poe tried.

“I’m sorry, Poe. But you have to wait outside.”

“Just—just let me,” Poe managed to kneel down near Finn’s ear. “I’m right here, Finn. Hold on to that, don’t leave me.”

Just as he finished, the doctor overpowered the already worn-out pilot, sliding the glass door open and guiding Poe outside. “I’ll keep you updated,” the doctor promised and stepped back into the room, leaving the broken man behind.

Poe let out a shaky breath and lifted his hand to the cold glass, trying to be closer to Finn. He swallowed down when he watched them remove, or rather peel off the jacket from Finn’s back. His jacket, the jacket that went to hell and back with him, the jacket he gave to Finn was nearly sliced in half. Poe couldn’t bring himself to imagine the extent of damage that happened to Finn’s back.

He closed his eyes and focused on the steady beeping of the monitor he could hear through the glass door. _Finn is alive_ , Poe reminded himself. _You’ll be there when he wakes up. Whatever that happened, you will help him through it_.

His eyes flew open when he felt a hand settle on his shoulder. He turned his face to see Rey standing there, her expression just as helpless as his own. He nodded his head in acknowledgment and turned back to the scene unfolding through the glass. He knew Rey was with Finn, yet he couldn’t bring himself to ask her how bad it was. He knew it was bad, bad enough at least.

Poe crossed his arms tightly over his chest in hopes of keeping his heart from shattering into a million pieces, keeping it together just for a little while longer until Finn opened his eyes and mended the pilot’s heart.

They both stood side by side in silence, their eyes tracking every move in front of them. There was nothing to be said or done besides waiting. They had to wait, and they hated it.

\---

After hours of standing beyond the glass separating Poe and Rey from Finn, the procedure was finally done. The lead doctor took off his gloves and tossed them into the trashcan and slid the door open and stepped out of the room. Poe felt the pit in his stomach grow; he couldn’t read the doctor’s expression.

“How is he?” Poe couldn’t be patient.

“He’s stable,” the doctor’s rubbed his hands against each other, clearly keeping some things from them. “However, due to the extreme severity of the third degree burns on his right shoulder and his back, we had to put him in a medically induced coma. His body needs time to heal, the shock in itself is very dangerous and puts a lot of stress on his body.”

“How long?” Poe’s voice shook.

“That depends,” the doctor sighed. “His blood pressure is a little lower than I like it to be, but that’s all expected with the level of trauma his body is going through right now. We’re going to have to dress his wounds every two hours, and we have to keep a very close eye on infections. That’s another problem we just don’t want to encounter.”

Poe nodded, trying to digest as much information as he could.

“He’s not out of the woods, in fact it’s going to be a difficult recovery.”

“But he’s going to be okay, eventually?” Poe couldn’t hear his voice over the hammering of his heart in his chest.

“Eventually, yes. Seeing that there are no complications, and we need to keep an eye on his body temperature, as well.”

“How will you know when he’s ready to wake up?” Rey asked.

“There’s no definite way of knowing, it’s going to be experimental.”

“Experimental?” Poe repeated.

“We would have to wear him off the medication slowly and see how he reacts. And if he isn’t ready to wake up yet, we kick up the medications again and put him back in the coma and try later. Unfortunately, this is the only way.”

“So, by not knowing, or the only way to know is to put him through the agonizing pain?” Poe’s voice stiffened.

“Like I said, Captain, this is the only way. I hate to do it this way, but it is the only way. I would do it any other way if I could.”  
Rey’s hand went up Poe’s arm at an effort to calm him down, and felt his muscle flex under her touch.

“So we just wait? When will the first time be?” Poe huffed.

“We’ll see how quickly he’s healing and it will depend on that.”

“Can we stay with him?”

“One person at a time,” the doctor nodded. “If you have any more questions, don’t hesitate to ask.”

\---

An hour later, Poe was sitting on the chair next to Finn’s bed, his hand clinging to Finn’s unmoving one. His forehead rested against Finn’s arm, his thumb running over the man’s knuckles. He managed to push his head further up and settled his eyes on Finn’s face. Poe sighed heavily and straightened his back.

“If you don’t come back from this I will kill you,” Poe said to the empty room.

No response came from Finn.

“I’m really scared here, Finn,” Poe admitted. “Give me anything here, please.”

Finn’s blood pressure dropped a number.

“That’s not what I meant, Finn.”

The heart monitor beeping in the background was all the company Poe Dameron got.

He leaned back in his chair, making sure to still hold Finn’s hand and closed his eyes.

Poe didn’t know how much time had passed when his eyes opened, focusing on the pale ceiling. It took him a moment to remember the events of the day and where he was. He whipped up in his seat, praying to see Finn awake but then he remembered the whole thing with the induced coma. Disappointment settled deep in Poe’s gut.

“I should be super pissed cause my—our jacket is in pieces now but I don’t really care, I just want you to be all right, Finn. Can you do that for me? There you were, worried about me before we took off and I should have been the worried one. I promise to be here, through it all, I’m not going anywhere. I thought that we finally finished the mission, we did it and I was so happy because we’d finally have time to figure it out and be together,” Poe paused, taking a deep breath. “I would be dead right now if it wasn’t for you. He took what he needed from me and I thought that was it. And then you saved me. You literally freed me from their monstrous grip and right then and there, I knew there was something. I never really had a chance to explore anything because it wasn’t on my mind, but then when I saw you, it just clicked and I felt this warmth…I know it all happened too quickly for both of us to register and here I am, thinking about it endlessly and talking to myself and you can’t even hear this and I just, God,” Poe sighed. “I need you to be awake to hear this. I’m going crazy, I’m talking to myself. You drive me crazy,” a small sad smile spread on his face. “We’ll be fine.”

Twenty minutes later, two nurses walked into the room and told Poe they had to change Finn’s dresses, starting with his right shoulder. He offered to help but they told them they’ve got it. He got out of his seat, reluctantly letting go of Finn’s head and stood near the door, giving the nurses enough space to work.

He crossed his arms over his chest and covered his mouth with one of his hands as he watched the nurses unwrap Finn’s shoulder and pressed a plastic bag filled with cool water to the wound.

“It helps reduce the swelling,” a nurse looked up at Poe, wanting to include him in what was going on.

Poe nodded.

The nurse then began gently spreading antibiotic ointment on the jagged skin until it was fully absorbed. Both nurses then wrapped a dry gauze bandage loosely around Finn’s shoulder to give the burn a chance to breathe. They needed Poe’s help to settle Finn on his side and apply the same treatment to his back, which took more time. One of the nurses grabbed Finn’s chart and wrote down his latest vitals.

“Is he okay?” Poe asked, returning to his seat next to the bed.

“Yes, he’s doing okay,” the nurse nodded.

He asked the nurse if she could grab him a cup filled with ice chips, and she returned with it a few minutes later. Poe took a small handful of the cold pieces between his fingers and began to slowly run them against Finn’s dry and split lips, already noticing the immediate result. He never thought the first time he’d touch Finn’s lips would go like this.

\---

A week’s worth of stubble sat on Poe’s face. He looked thinner and paler, even though he wasn’t the one lying on a hospital bed. Rey was worried they’d have to pull up another bed for the pilot.

“Any change?”

Poe shook his head, too tired to speak. He scratched his face and rubbed his bloodshot eyes, not quite meeting Rey’s.

Rey pulled the extra chair a nurse brought into the room two days ago near Poe and sat down, looking at Finn for a few seconds and then turned her attention to the man next to her.

“Hey, look at me,” she prompted. When Poe showed no sign of abiding, she tried again. “You know I’m not going to stop until you look at me.”

Poe squeezed his eyes and turned his head to face the young female. His once vibrant and sparkly eyes were lifeless and vacant, and he looked so tired, physically and emotionally. He was drained.

“Listen, you can’t keep doing this.”

Poe snorted and began to turn his face away from Rey but she quickly grabbed his chin and turned his face towards her.

“No, no, you’re going to listen to me whether you like it or not,” Rey glared at the man.

He swallowed and made no move to escape Rey’s grip.

“I know this is hard, just sitting here and feeling completely useless and just waiting. But I can’t sit here and watch you do this to yourself. He’s going to come back from this, I believe that, and when he pulls through you need to be there for him. You need to still be here and with what you’re doing to yourself right now, you’re not going to last another three days.”

“I’m not doing anything,” Poe huffed.

“When was the last time you ate something?” Rey challenged.

Poe didn’t remember, so he stayed silent.

“My point,” Rey’s eyebrows rose. “You need to keep your strength, Poe. You need to eat something, you need to sleep and you need to take a shower.”

“I can’t leave his side,” Poe shook his head.

“I’m gonna be here, I’m gonna be here until you get back,” Rey promised.

Poe sighed, and slipped his chin away from Rey, who let him. “I hate this so much. I didn’t expect this, I thought he’d walk down and we’d…I’m not leaving him, I just found him. This kind of thing was the last thing on my mind, it wasn’t even on my mind and we meet in the unlikeliest of places. And it makes sense, somehow, it happened so fast but I never second guessed what I feel for him,” Poe held Finn’s hand tightly in his own.

“He’ll pull through,” Rey squeezed Poe’s shoulder in support.

Poe nodded.

“Come on, go take care of yourself and grab something to eat and then come back.”

When Poe returned to Finn’s room forty-fives minutes later, he looked better but felt worse.

\---

Another week passed by and the nurses were now comfortable with Poe helping out in changing Finn’s dressings without much worry. He pretty much had the entire procedure down and his steady hands helped.

He was called into a meeting with General Organa two days earlier, and when he told Rey he was thinking about not attending, she scolded him and made sure to drag his ass into the meeting. Once she was assured he wasn’t going to attempt to escape from the room, she returned to keep Finn company.

Poe knew that Rey was reporting back to Leia on the state of both men, and for that very reason, and knowing that Poe was glued to the chair next to the other man, Leia had suggested that he lead a small group of fighters to a nearby system, to meet up with an ally of the Resistance who had some information she was interested in. She was hoping to get him out of the room and back to what he does best. He respectfully declined, however, he agreed to plan the course and choose the men to go on the mission. He didn’t stay long enough to see his pilots off.

When he went back to the room, he watched Rey run her hand over Finn’s hair and heard her talking to him soothingly. He couldn’t hear what she was saying but he knew the connection she had with Finn so he remained by the door, giving them some privacy. When Rey noticed Poe, she began to stand up but he stopped her, and sat on the empty chair next to her instead.

Twenty minutes of silence later, a soft knock on the glass door caught Poe and Rey’s attention. They saw the doctor step into the room and grab Finn’s chart, his eyes going over the last documented numbers.

“I’m glad you’re both here,” he looked up from the paper.

“Is there anything new?”

“Well, his numbers are getting better and his wounds are starting to heal up, so I think it’s time to slowly wake him up and see how it goes.”

“Right now?” Poe’s eyes lit with hope.

“Right now,” the doctor nodded. “Although I have to warn you, it will be hard. Like I said, there is no way of knowing how he will react. His nerves have started to heal which means he will be in pain, that’s how we know he’s getting better. But the question is whether he can take the pain or if he’s still too weak to handle it. We might need to hold him down too, to keep him from hurting himself further if he starts to roughly fidget around. It’s not bad if he needs to be out for a little while longer, every body heals in its own way and every person takes different time periods,” the doctor prepared the duo.

Poe nodded.

“Are you ready?” When the doctor got two nods from Poe and Rey, he gestured for the nurse to push in the meds to counterpart the sleeping ones.

Poe moved so he’d be standing by Finn’s head and waited. A couple of minutes passed by and then Poe felt slight movement against his hand. His eyes stayed on Finn’s face. “Finn?”

Fire. The only thing Finn could feel was fire tearing through his veins and his flesh. He could hear distant voices around him, but they so far away. He felt like he was underwater, layers and layers between him and the voices…no, just one voice, the voice of…

“Finn? Finn, can you hear me?” Poe watched Finn’s face. “It’s Poe, I’m right here. Can you open your eyes? Can you do that?”

Finn tried and tried but his eyelids were heavy, too heavy, like they were screwed shut. He wanted to see Poe’s face so badly.

Instead, a strangled cry left Finn’s now parted lips.

“I know it hurts,” Poe’s voice returned.

 _It hurts so bad_ , Finn thought.

“If you can give us anything, Finn, please,” Poe’s voice was strong and demanding.

Finn’s breathing turned ragged and shallow and his heart rate picked up, another wretched sound escaped him.

“He’s not ready, we have to put him back under.”

“No, no, just give him more time,” Poe pleaded.

“I’m sorry, he can’t handle this,” the doctor said, ordering the nurse to push sleeping medication into Finn’s IV port.

Poe leaned down, resting his forehead against Finn’s now sweaty one and closed his eyes. “You’re going to be okay, I’ll be right here, I promise.”

Any ounce of hope the pilot had blew away with tiny pieces of his heart.

“Come on, Finn,” Poe slouched back in his seat with a heavy sigh. “You’re killing me here.”

Poe lost track of time when he heard a knock on the door. He didn’t bother turning his head.

“Hi Poe.”

Poe’s head snapped towards the door when he heard the voice. He quickly recovered and began to stand up, but the voice told him to stay down.

“General,” Poe nodded.

“Rey’s kept me updated,” Leia sat down on the empty chair next to Poe. “I’m sorry you have to go through this.”

Poe nodded. “I thought it would be different. He saved my life and here I am, completely helpless to save his.”

“You’re doing exactly that, Poe. You’re here for him, you’re not giving up on him and that’s more than enough.”

“I never had a chance to say that I’m sorry,” Poe looked at Leia. “For Han.”

“We had a wonderful life together,” a small smile formed on Leia’s face. “I’m sure you and Finn will have the same.”

Poe sighed, turning his face back to look at the sleeping man. “I don’t think I can do this by myself.”

“You won’t have to,” Leia patted Poe’s shoulder and gestured towards the door.

The glass door slipped open and a familiar beep echoed through the room. Poe’s eyes immediately lit up when he saw BB-8 roll his way towards him.

“How? I thought—”

“I pulled some strings.”

There was a strict No Droids Allowed in the medical bay rule, it turns out being on a first name basis with the General had some perks.

“Thank you.”

Soon enough, Poe was left alone with Finn and BB-8.

BB-8 beeped quickly, grabbing Poe’s attention.

“They say he’s going to be fine,” Poe nodded. “I might take some time, but I’ll be here when he wakes up.”

BB-8 beeps again.

“Yeah, BB, you’ll be here, too.”

Another beep escapes the droid.

“He considers you his friend, too, buddy. I’m glad you’re here.”

BB-8 beeps happily.

The nurses didn’t comment at BB-8’s presence the next time they came in to change Finn’s dressings.

\---

Barely eating and barely sleeping, Poe was slowly withering away in his seat next to Finn. Even having BB-8 around him doesn’t do much to raise his spirit anymore. He leaves his food half eaten near the glass door and hasn’t said two words to anyone since Leia went to see him. He didn’t quite know what the point was, his heart and soul have flat lined a while ago, even though he was somehow still breathing.

The doctor made his way into Finn’s room, already knowing that he won’t get a response from Poe. Today, however, was different. He knew exactly what to say to get a reaction from Poe.

“We’re going to try again today.”

“What?” Poe’s eyes snapped up to face the doctor, his voice sandy and low.

“He’s been getting better, his numbers are stable, I think it’s time we try again.”

“Are you sure?” Poe’s heart began racing.

The doctor raised an eyebrow.

“I mean, I just don’t want him to go through what he went through last time,” Poe said quickly.

“I would say we’ve given him enough time to recover. But if you’re hesitant…”

“No, no, you’re the expert here,” Poe nodded. All he could think about was seeing Finn open his eyes.

“Okay,” the doctor nodded.

Poe heard shuffling around him but didn’t give it much attention. Instead he got up and stood by Finn’s side, his tired eyes glued to the other man. He heard the nurse say that the meds were in, his breath catching in his throat as he waited.

Finn’s eyes began to open slowly, his vision blurry and unfocused. He saw a dark face getting closer to his.

“Finn? Finn, it’s me, it’s Poe.”

Finn swallowed down, his dry throat making him uncomfortable. He squeezed his eyes and focused on his breathing.

“Squeeze my hand if you can hear me, Finn,” Poe slipped his hand between Finn’s, a few moments later he felt Finn return the gesture weakly. “That’s it, that was great, Finn,” the pilot encouraged.

Finn opened his eyes and turned his face to look at Poe. “P—Poe,” he rasped out.

“Yeah, Finn, I’m right here,” Poe gave him a shaky smile.

“Wh—what happened?”

“You don’t remember what happened?”

“Not really,” Finn shook his head tiredly.

Poe looked up at the doctor, worry evident in his eyes. The doctor gave him a small nod and Poe backed off, giving space for the doctor and nurses to look Finn over, checking his motor and neurological functions. Once they were done, the doctor led Poe towards the glass door.

“How is he?”

“He’s doing good,” the doctor assured the man.

“But he said he didn’t remember what happened.”

“That’s not uncommon after suffering a trauma and being out for as long as he has. Time has passed, time he wasn’t aware had passed and now he just needs time to catch up and sync back. It’s a shock for Finn right now, he isn’t sure about anything, he’s disoriented and confused. It will get better by time and he will start to remember what happened. And that might cause some problems.”

“Problems?” Poe’s heart sank.

“Right now, he’s unconsciously holding the memories of what happened to him at bay, you can say he’s built a wall between him and those memories and that wall will begin to fall and the memories will come back. And there’s no way of knowing how he’ll react to them.”

“So, he doesn’t know he’s hurt?”

“Oh no, he knows. He knows that much, at least. However, he isn’t completely sure of how he got hurt. The pain medication will start to wear off and he will be in pain, and there’s just so much we can do to manage that pain. What he was feeling when it happened, when he got hurt, all that will come rushing back. So you have to be patient, you have to be there for him and don’t overburden him and ask him to talk when he isn’t ready. He’ll come around, he just needs some time.”

“I’ll do whatever he needs me to do,” Poe’s gaze landed on Finn, who was now sitting up in the bed thanks to the nurses’ help, his back resting against the backboard and his hands sitting in his lap.

“I don’t doubt it,” the doctor smiled at the pilot and turned to his patient. “All right, Finn, everything looks good, and I’ll be back later to check in on you.”

“Thanks, doc,” Finn nodded, his voice still sore.

Silence stretched between the men when the doctor walked out, leaving them alone for, well, the first time. Poe took in a deep breath and kept his eyes still on Finn. However, suddenly self-conscious, Finn broke their eye contact and looked at his hands instead.

“You look like crap,” Finn retorted.

Poe simply nodded, his eyes remaining on the other man.

“You, uh, you wanna fill me in on what happened?”

“Not really,” Poe shook his head. “The doc said it should come back to you naturally.”

“And then what?”

“We work through it.”

“Poe…”

Poe closed his eyes the moment Finn spoke his name, something shattering inside him yet something else healing at the same time. When he reopened his eyes, they were glistening with tears.

Finn’s breath caught in his throat when his eyes met Poe’s wet ones, hindering him to speak.

“At some point, I thought I would never hear you say my name again,” Poe whispered. “I didn’t give up but sometimes…”

“How long was I out?”

“Almost three weeks. Three damn weeks, Finn,” anger crept in Poe’s voice.

He didn’t know why he was angry, and he didn’t know why he was angry with Finn. It wasn’t his fault and Poe knew that. But he just couldn’t control it. It has been boiling down since the moment he saw Chewie carry him down the Falcon ramp and it decides to be released now. Iconic, right? But yes, Poe was mad at Finn. Mad because he made him fall so deeply for him and then went and got himself hurt. So, yes, Poe now knew exactly why he was mad. But he couldn’t bring himself to admit all that to Finn, not just yet. It was still too early.

“It was the only way,” Finn said with a steady voice that was far steadier than his heart.

Poe huffed, shaking his head and running his hand through his very much chaotic hair. “No, it wasn’t. You could have died, you almost did die. Did you even—” he stopped abruptly.

“Did I even what?” Finn narrowed his eyes.

“Nothing, forget it.”

“No, no, you’ve been honest this far, please continue,” Finn said bitterly, not entirely meaning how it came out.

“Fine. Did you even think about what losing you would do to me?”

With that, Finn fell silent. Of course he had thought about that, Poe was all he could think about in those moments, the moments he thought could be his last.

“How can you even ask me that?” Finn whispered.

“Well?” Poe’s hand shot up into the air.

“Of course I did! Of course I thought about—” Finn took a deep breath, gathering himself. “Of course I thought about you.”

“And still…”

“I had no choice! I was doing it for you—Ahh!”

“Finn?” Poe’s eyes widened at the other man’s yelp. “Finn? Talk to me,” he rushed to the side of the bed.

Finn had closed his eyes in pain, his lips slightly parted.

“Finn, tell me what’s wrong,” Poe demanded.

“I think—ahh, I think I just pulled on my shoulder too much,” Finn exhaled.

“Do you want me to get you the doctor?”

“No, no,” Finn shook his head. “I’m fine, it’ll pass.”

After it had passed, Poe looked down and realized that he had connected his hand with Finn’s in a desperate attempt to calm him down. He really didn’t want to cause Finn any more unnecessary distress. Poe almost pulled his hand away but felt Finn tighter his fingers around his hand. Poe moved his eyes to meet Finn’s, who were filled with compassion and understanding.

“I’m sorry,” Poe said, suddenly ashamed of the way he reacted. This was not how he expected things to go when Finn woke up.

Finn quickly shook his head, dismissing but appreciating Poe’s apology. He ran his thumb over Poe’s ragged knuckles, feeling the man’s dry skin under his touch. “You’re tired.”

Poe nodded, far too drained to fight the fact anymore.

“You need rest, Poe.”

“I couldn’t, not when…not when I didn’t know what would happen with you. I had to be here, I couldn’t leave your side. I would have never forgiven myself if something happened and I wasn’t here by your side.”

Finn’s eyes softened, a small smile spread on his lips. “I’m here now.”

“Yes, yes you are,” Poe returned the smile.

Finn convinced Poe to go take a shower and grab something to eat and then come back. He promised to send someone to find him if anything changed. Reluctantly, Poe removed himself from Finn’s room and did as he was instructed, a little out of it, but still grateful that Finn was awake and well.

Poe changed Finn’s dressings alone later that night.

\---

It was a random night when it started.

Finn was released from the hospital and settled down in his private room a few weeks earlier. Poe helped him settle in and fixed the room to the man’s liking. He hung around a lot, barely staying in his own room. It was far away from Finn’s, and Poe didn’t like that. So he would always either end up stumbling in and falling asleep just to wake up with the sun and head back to see Finn or he would be too tired to walk across the base and he’d pass out on Finn’s couch. Luckily for both of them, Poe was asleep on the couch when it started.

They didn’t talk about whatever was between them but there were comforting touches here and there, looks that lingered a few seconds too long. They didn’t know where to begin, really, from the start or from this start…they were both confused and they knew it. Somewhere along the way, they had silently agreed to keep a lid on whatever was happening between them until both of them sorted through their own emotions and figured what the hell was happening. And could actually put it into words. Until then, well, the company was good.

Finn loved having Poe around. The man truly did bring out the best in him. His spirits were sky high when the pilot was around, which was a lot, and for that Finn was grateful. His heart broke when Poe told him that the General had recruited him for a mission and there was no way he could turn it down.

They hugged goodbye, holding onto each other tightly, not wanting to let go when Poe slowly pulled backwards and connected their foreheads, he promised to come back.

Finn had walked around his room after Poe had left and felt empty. He looked around and everything reminded him of Poe. At some point, this room had turned from _his_ room to _their_ room. In that moment he realized that he couldn’t have Poe go without telling him how he feels. He left his room and dashed for the runway, as fast as he could, but the pilot was already gone.

Poe didn’t tell Finn when he was supposed to return.

Turning to Leia for answers, Finn got none. No one knew when the fighters would be back home.

Poe returned from the mission in the middle of the night. Not wanting to wake up Finn, he slowly crept into the man’s room and left him a note and dropped a kiss to his forehead. The next morning when Finn woke up and saw the note, he went looking for Poe. He found him walking out of the mess hall, having just finished breakfast and ran towards him. He wrapped his arms around the pilot and held him close, allowing the worry that had piled up in his gut to disappear. It wasn’t until he pulled away that he noticed the bruises and cuts littering Poe’s face. He reached out, taking the battered face into his hands and gently ran his thumbs over Poe’s cheekbones. Poe had smiled, and reassured Finn that he was all right. He may have been a little hurt here and there but he was home, he was finally home.

That was two days before it began.

Finn didn’t know what had caused it. He had actually allowed himself to believe that it wasn’t going to happen, that he was fine and that he was healing. He was proven wrong. He was suddenly back on Starkiller Base, the coldness of the falling ice seeping into his skin, and making him shiver from head to toe. He watched Rey get thrown against the tree and drop unconscious over and over again until his vocal chords were strained from calling out her name. Then fast-forward to getting slashed in the back with the lightsaber. He could feel the heat and the tearing of his skin and the uncontrollable white flashes of pain running through his body. A rough shake of his good shoulder snapped him out of it.

Finn blinked quickly, pushing his eyelids open and taking a moment or two to focus on the face that was too close to his own. Poe.

Poe was sleeping on the couch, Finn’s bedroom door was slightly opened. He twisted and turned until he got comfortable and drifted off. At first, he thought it was a noise coming from outside. But then the higher the voice got, the more Poe recognized it. He shot up, sitting in his place and steered his attention to Finn’s room. After another yelp, Poe got to his feet and quickly made his way into the bedroom, his body leaning over Finn’s moving form, shaking him and yelling his name over and over until the man finally responded and opened his eyes.

“Are you okay?” Poe asked quickly, his eyes wide with worry.

“I—” Finn’s voice caught in his throat, unable to continue the sentence.

Regardless, Poe had known what it meant. The nightmares were beginning.

Poe gave Finn a small nod and began to move away from the bed but was stopped by Finn’s desperate grip. “Don’t go.”

“I’m not going anywhere, I’m just going into the bathroom to get a cold towel.”

“Please.”

“Okay, Finn,” Poe helped the other man sit up in his bed and reached for a few tissue papers from the box on the nightstand. He ran them against Finn’s forehead, drying up the cold sweat from the skin.

Finn’s eyes never left Poe’s.

“I’ll throw these and walk around and climb next to you, okay?” Poe waited until Finn nodded. Less than fifteen seconds later, Poe was sitting on the mattress next to Finn, his legs crisscrossed and his back resting against the headboard. He remembered what the doctor had told him about pressuring Finn to talk so Poe remained silent, seeing that the other man was currently trying to formulate some kind of statement.

Finn spoke after a minute or two of stretched silence. “I thought I wouldn’t get them. I thought I had passed that period of time and I would never have to worry about getting them. You were always here and it made me happier and it…it made me forget. I thought the worst was over, I made myself believe that it was over and now…” Finn moved his hand to cover his knee, which was pulled against his chest.

Poe hesitated for a moment before reaching out and covering Finn’s hand with his own, silently encouraging the man to continue.

Finn took a deep breath in and went on. “I don’t know what triggered it. I would have thought I would be more vulnerable when you were gone,” he let out a dry laugh. “It was hard, not knowing where you were and if you were safe but I kept reminding myself that you would always come back and it helped, it did.”

Poe gave Finn’s hand a light squeeze.

“I’m scared, Poe…scared to be alone, scared of whatever this is.”

“You don’t have to be, you don’t ever have to be scared of that because you will never be alone,” Poe promised.

“What do we do now? I have a feeling this isn’t just a one night kind of thing,” Finn faced Poe, tears shimmering in his eyes.

“We’ll figure it out, we’ll work through it, one step at a time.”

“You shouldn’t have to do this, you shouldn’t be taking care of the broken and vulnerable man. You deserve better than that.”

“What?” Poe frowned. “No, no, I know exactly what I want and what I deserve, and he’s sitting next to me right now.”

Finn relaxed at that, glad that Poe didn’t agree and walk out on him. He never would have survived that.

Finn nodded.

“Good,” Poe smiled. “Now lets get some rest,” he prompted, adjusting his body and waited for Finn to do the same. When they were both lying on their sides, Poe carefully slid his hand over Finn’s middle and felt him snuggle backwards into his chest. Poe nuzzled his face into the back of Finn’s neck and inhaled the scent that is all Finn. He closed his eyes and relaxed, feeling Finn’s breathing evening out.

Finn slept through the night.

\---

It was spontaneous, natural even, when Poe and Finn shared their first kiss. If someone had witnessed it, they would have said that no way that was their first, they would have assumed they’ve done it a hundred times before. But they hadn’t. And they were both pretty much in shock for a fragment of a second. Neither man had thought about it, they had leaned in and met halfway, their lips fitting together perfectly. Like it was part of their daily routine that didn’t really exist.

It was the morning following one of those rare nights where Finn managed to sleep throughout the night without waking up abruptly, a thin layer of sweat coating his forehead and arms. The nightmares had increased, as both man had noticed, but remained calm, working their way through every night.

Finn had walked into the kitchen, the smell of freshly cooked pancakes tickled his sense as he watched Poe flipped the last of the food onto a stack and turned around to face Finn, a smile automatically tugging at his lips. After they finished breakfast, Poe stood by the sink getting ready to wash the dished when he bumped into Finn, who placed his own plate in the sink.

Their faces were close. Too close but neither of them seemed to mind. They could feel each other’s warm breath hovering over their suddenly hungry lips, and it didn’t take a second for their lips to clash. Once Finn somehow gathered that his lips were in fact, covering the pilot’s, he pulled back, unsure and pupils blown wide. To a bit of his surprise, Poe was mirroring his own expression. He wanted this just as badly as Finn. So they went in again, a little deeper and a little desperate but that sensation of _finally_ was hanging high between them, their lips moving together and their tongue tangled together in the perfect dance.

Flushed, they pulled back for air and rested their foreheads together. Poe looked into Finn’s eyes and gave him a shaky smile that reached his eyes. Finn brought up his hand and ran it through the hair sitting right above Poe’s neck.

They wouldn’t have had it any other way. No words were exchanged, but everything had fallen into place.

\---

Poe was sitting on the couch, staring at the celling when Finn walked in, boxes scattered around the area. Poe and Finn managed to land themselves larger living quarters on the count that they were living together now. They had more space and most importantly, a bigger bed. Leia was very supportive and happy for them after Rey pretty much kicked their asses the entire way to the general’s quarters.

Finn flopped down on the couch next to Poe and stretched out his body, his head landing in the pilot’s lap. Poe ran his hand absentmindedly over Finn’s hair, his eyes not leaving the celling. It was Finn’s voice that broke him away from it.

“What are you thinking about?” Finn whispered.

“Hmm,” Poe’s eyes went down to meet Finn’s. “Well, everything really. How lucky I am to be here, mostly,” he smiled.

Finn smiled back, raised his arm and stuck it to the back of Poe’s head, pulling him down for a tender kiss.

“Are you ready? Are you excited?” Poe asked against the man’s lips.

“Yes, and yes,” Finn nodded.

“We should get going then, wouldn’t want to be late.”

“No, we wouldn’t,” Finn captured Poe’s lips once again.

After they managed to untangle their bodies, they walked hand-in-hand to the hangar. Approaching a full recovery, Finn was finally cleared to begin his training. He was even going to learn how to fly an X-Wing Fighter. Above all else, he could not be more grateful and thankful to have Poe at his side through it all. He took a deep breath and looked over at Poe, giving him a wide smile. His wounds have healed, and he is now, beyond a doubt, complete.


End file.
